#5SmartReads - February 23, 2023

Hitha on actual self-care, sterilization, and the broken state of after-school care

February 23, 2023

“I think society really pushes back against women who don't want children. We've been taught that the family is the foundation of American life, but it's also been a way to keep women disempowered,” she says. “I think there's nothing scarier to a lot of folks than a woman who has absolute 100% control over her body and her destiny.”

Let’s talk about elective sterilization.

People with uteruses know if they want to have children or not. They know the gravity of their choice. They have considered their options and the life they want to live.

So when they go to their physician to request the procedure, it’s a decision they’ve come with great consideration and care. And that choice should be respected and the procedures be accessible and available widely.

Naturally, the reality of access, availability, and affordability is widely variable and very much dependent on your physician and the health system they work under.

For as much as we need to redefine modern masculinity, we also need to amplify the many ways modern women live and celebrate all of them. We also need to embrace the reality that people besides women have uteruses and include them - and celebrate them - when we talk about access to reproductive health.

For me, there’s nothing braver than living your life on your terms. And if that means getting the healthcare you need to live that life, I fully support that. A person making this choice does not affect you or your own choices on living the life you want.

Before you dig into this read, go pre-order Dr. Pooja Lakshmin’s forthcoming book Real Self-Care. Just do it.

Did you? Great. Because this interview between Lakshmin and the always brilliant Anne Helen Petersen will have you yearning for its wisdom and bullshit breakdown.

There is so much honesty, nuance, and depth in this conversation. But these words (ones I read and highlighted in my copy of her book) are what I want to leave you with:

“In other words, it’s [self care] not really about the Thing — it’s about the process you take to get there. 

And, going further, real self-care is an internal decision making process that can be layered into everything you do. As opposed to thinking of it as carving out self-care for a 15 minute pocket of the day, self-care needs to be threaded through the way we make decisions and design our lives.”

Unlike most of the books and interviews about this topic, Pooja talks about the role of privilege in both her life and in building the processes to live your life this way. It’s refreshing and should be the norm (especially when men espouse their productivity advice and fail to mention their partners and their contributions).

Legislation like this wouldn’t need to be passed if the discrimination it’s fighting didn’t exist. And I find it abhorrent that caste discrimination - a very dark part of my culture - still exists today, and has migrated to the United States as well.

The lone dissenting vote against this ordinance, passed by Seattle’s City Council, cited a lack of evidence of caste discrimination in this country. A quick Google search would show that such evidence does exist, most recently in mistreatment of the Dalit migrants who helped construct the new Hindu temple on New Jersey.

No culture or religion or country is perfect. There are so many things I love and cherish about my Indian heritage, and there are certain things in our history or our culture that I don’t agree with. Protecting Dalit and other communities that have been marginalized by “upper caste” people doesn’t take away any of my rights, but simply expands the ones I have benefitted from and take for granted.

Isabel Wilkerson’s phenomenal book Caste opened my eyes on how caste goes beyond South Asia in global history, and how it still very much exists today. I highly, highly recommend the book.

“And I think people that only listen to the singles don’t get me, because there’s so much else. When I meet people, they’re like, ‘God, you’re not scary.’ And I’m like, ‘Well, don’t tell anyone. That’s my cover, man.’ But I’ve kind of stopped caring a little bit. I’m sad about people thinking that being an opinionated woman is a bad thing.”

P!NK is an artist that has grown up with us and whose music personally got me through the rollercoaster of the past 20 years of my life. And while her upbeat dance tracks are her most popular, I have found such comfort in her ballads and slower tracks - especially the ones on this album. Turbulence is my favorite from her latest album (and truly, the entire album is wonderful).

P!NK often lets her music speak for her, but I appreciate how vulnerable she got about motherhood,  her health struggles these past few years, and her haters in this interview.

This interview is well worth your time - and take the time to listen to Trustfall in its entirety this week. I can’t stop listening - and won’t stop.

Over 8 million American kids are enrolled in some sort of after-school program - and they make up 1/4 of the demand of these programs.

So what’s stopping the remaining 75% of these students from being enrolled? There aren’t enough spots, because they’re aren’t enough workers.

And why aren’t there enough workers? Because candidates are taking jobs with better pay and benefits in retail and other industries, even if they want to work in the care sector. And even in areas where wages are high (California’s state legislature directed $5B to after-school programming in the state in 2021, allowing programs to offer higher wages), it helps but it’s far from being the magic pill to this problem.

I always appreciate Vox’s detailed reporting and their embrace of nuance and looking at an issue from multiple perspectives. More than anything, this piece showcases the urgency of the lack of after-school care as companies are requiring workers to return to the office.

Not acting on this quickly is an action of itself - an action that tells American parents that they don’t matter. And honestly, that’s how most are feeling right now.

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