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issue #137 - the one between despair and peace

June 05, 2022

I don’t know what to say.

Every time a news alert flashes on my phone, it’s to inform me about another mass murder by gun violence. I was in back-to-back Zoom meetings when the murder at Robb Elementary happened. My husband and I were driving to visit friends in Long Island when I heard about the murder at the graduation party in South Carolina. I was sitting on the couch with my in-laws when I heard about the murder in South Street in Philadelphia.

People are being murdered because a small minority is holding our elected representatives and judges hostage under the guise of the Second Amendment. And we’re just supposed to go on living.

I admit that I’ve slipped when it comes to being an engaged citizen. My calls to my elected representatives waned with the new administration, and aside from staying on top of the news, I hadn’t engaged in much active citizenship.

That changed last week. Calling my state and congressional reps is something I do everything single day, to voice my support for common sense gun legislation and protection for reproductive rights that has some bipartisan support.

And I am doing my hardest to just keep living, but with a deeper intention to live my life and soak in the moments versus spending hours on my phone absorbing the serious and the frivolous that floods our feeds and inboxes.

I’m somewhere between despair and peace. There are moments when I’m in the depths of the former, and moments when I’m savoring the latter. And then there’s the exhaustion of living between two very opposite emotions that I’m trudging through.

My friend Marisa calls hope a disciplined practice, and I’m treating citizenship as a daily habit like flossing my teeth and meditating. I’m doing it because it’s important for the health (of our nation), and that consistent efforts will pay off over time.

I can’t fathom the alternative. So I’m going to do what I can to make sure it doesn’t happen…and to continue living my life.

What I Read This Week

I went on a romance bender these past two weeks, and every single one of these books and series brought me a sense of peace that I needed - and that we all need. Since there are a LOT, my reviews are minimal but know that I heartily endorse every single one of them.

  • Meant to be Mine by Hannah Orenstein - multiple love stories wrapped up in this cashmere hug of this book - romantic relationships, best friendships and sisterhood, and the incredible grandparent-grandchild relationship. I read this in a single sitting and it brought a tear to my eye and left me grinning like a fool when I finished it. It comes out on Tuesday, so please preorder and enjoy every single word of this magical book.

  • Ruby Fever by Ilona Andrews (out August 23) - I finally get closure on the Dan Brown-meets-Deb Harkness series that I became quickly obsessed with, and I am SO satisfied and I hope the series continues the way I think it will. I do want to add a content warning - there are a lot of guns and full on battles in this series, and it may be triggering given the news. Read with caution.

  • The Dirty Air Series by Lauren Asher - F1 romance. Enough said. It brings the steam and the heart and I could not put this down at all.

  • The Worst Guy and Before Girl by Kate Canterbary - super sexy Grey’s Anatomy with all the tropes - enemies to lovers, love at first sight - and my introduction to Kate Canterbary, who I’m thrilled has an extensive backlist that I can work my way through.

What Everyone Else Read This Week

Marisa

  • The New Comer by Mary Kate Andrews- Someone in my book club introduced me to Mary Kay Andrews novels a couple of years ago, and they are really just quintessential beach reads - or porch reads, if like me you live nowhere near the water but just want to get outside and get lost in a frivolous book. This one, like all of her books, is the equivalent of a catchy pop tune - so easy and uncomplicated that it makes the perfect escape from all of the stupid stuff going on in the world around us.

Abigail

  • Mi Cocina by Rick Martinez- I absolutely love Mexico and am lucky enough to have visited several parts of the country. Rick Martinez's new cookbook is the next best thing to booking a trip: it's a love letter to the regions of Mexico and their cuisines, with lush, colorful photographs, historical info, and recipes you can make wherever you are. Martinez grew up in Austin and moved to Mexico during the pandemic and the book feels like a homecoming of sorts. A must read and a must cook!

Shibani

  • Book Lovers by Emily Henry- I'm a big fan of all of Emily Henry's books, but Book Lovers is my favorite. It's the story of a the quintessential NYC book editor who takes a month-long vacation to a small town near Asheville NC, and runs into her "nemesis". It's a great take on the enemies to lovers trope, with banter SO smoldering it makes me want to spontaneously combust!! If you love bantery books, this is a must read.

  • Every Summer After by Carley Fortune- I stayed up way too late to finish this one because I couldn't stop reading. It's the story of two teens who fall in love and lose touch. It's now 12 years later and they see each other again as adults. The story is told across two timelines, now and then, exploring what brought them together and what tore them apart. You will probably want to keep some Kleenex handy.

Top #5SmartReads of the past 2 weeks

The rest of the week’s reads + last week’s (and conversations!) are below:

Your Questions, Answered

Is there a point in living in US? It’s so depressing to be here anymore!Yes. Because if we throw our hands up and leave, we give up on the promise of America and what we COULD be and that vision is what fuels my hope. I keep revisiting these words by Marisa Renee Lee:

“Hope is not light or cheerful. It is a disciplined practice. It is sustained commitment to beliving in something until that thing is achieved. On days like today, in a world full of violence, racism, and grief, hope is the only answer, but hope without action is hollow, and action begins with each of us. We all can and should continue to push for substantive policy changes that eradicate this kind of violence from our country.”

My friend Emily posts daily action you can take to fight for a better tomorrow. Please follow her and do the actions she recommends.

Do you love anything as much as Elizabeth Homes loves the queen?Taco BellThe Philadelphia EaglesRomance NovelsGeek things (I’m quieter about them, but I’m a massive Star Trek and Star Wars fan)

If you opened a bookstore, what would be the vibe or theme?The Gryffindor common room, but with yummy drinks and food from BIPOC/queer owned brands and for my friends to curate their own shelves.

Do you think America should just split in 2 given the polarization on fundamental issues?I do not. Because when you get off the internet and have conversations with people with different political views, you’ll find that most of us desire the same things and differ on how to get there, but we do have shared goals.

And that’s what fuels my hope and my activism- for the country I know we can be, and not the noise that is rampant online and that hijacks the news cycle or airwaves.

How to find a good therapist in NYC?I found mine through Headway!

Alma is another great resource to find a therapist in NYC

What would be a good 40th birthday splurge?A bucket list trip! Travel is one of my greatest joys and indulgences and these are my bucket-list destinations:

  • Morocco (Nishi is there now and I want to steal her whole itinerary)

  • Base myself form Singapore for a few months and travel thorughout Asia

  • New Zealand (especially to visit Hobbiton- I told you we were nerds)

  • Antarctica via Seabourn Cruise

  • Safari in Kenya and trekking in Rwanda

  • Petra, Jordan and explore more of Egypt

  • Chile (Emily influenced me on this one)

Dirty Air books: Jax is Lewis Hamilton, but I can’t picture Noah and Liam. Thoughts?I imagined Sebastian Vettel or a less douchey Max Verstappen as LiamNoah - I was picturing Lance Stroll but with Charles Leclerc’s recoredAnd Santiago was clearly Carlos Sainz Jr.

Got a small work bonus and want to buy myself a bag! Any recs under $1k?This little Prada bag is truly the GOAT. I wore the crap out of mine back in the early aughts and have been carrying the re-edition all spring, and am wanting it in red and tan! Fashionphile has a great selection.

Were you scared to raise boys?I was nervous about becoming a parent!

I wasn’t really focused on what raising boys would be like vs raising girls, though I very much heed Gloria Steinem’s wise words “we’ve been so focused on raising our daughters like our sons that we’ve forgotten to raise our sons like our daughters.”

I care that my sons are kind, compassionate, supportive, and they have amazing role models in their father, grandfathers, and uncles.

If you could have dinner with any fictional character, who and where?!Breha Organa (Princess Leia’s mom) before Alderaan was blown up OR Captian Kathryn Janeway after Voyager returned from the Delta quadrant

Favorite “campus trope” books?Grace Atwood has some great recommendations in her book page (filter for Young Adults)

I like Karen McManus in this genre! And Secret Society Girl (and the rest of the Ivy League Series) by Diana Peterfreund is my OG favorite!

Any courses or reads for a first-time founder building a B2B company and navigating sales?You’re going to want to follow Ester Ayorinde because she’s launching something just for you!

I also loved Chris Voss’ Masterclass on negotiation that will help you a lot!

Can you have a highlight for activities for action?Honestly Emily is the person to follow! (set alerts for she posts!) because she shares daily actions and easy scripts for calling your reps at the congressional level.

Favorite resources for building a work wardrobe? Thank you!Going to share my favorite creators who have some amazing content on this topic:9to5 ChicAbra BelkeThe Davis StandardSimply ElsaCaroline Moss (I trust her on all things shopping related!)

M.M.LaFleure (I’m a proud investor) has some great capsules that are an investment, but ones you’ll wear for years to come.

Where to go in the northeast for an anniversary getaway?Glenmere Mansion! It’s our happy place and we go every year.

What is your hair care regimen again? Promise to screenshot this time! I linked and described it all here!

I know you just linked this but can’t find- what are the formula 1 romance books?! The Dirty Air Series by Lauren Asher! It was one of the only bright lights in my life last week.

How do you process anger? I want it out of my bodyI go offline and I do something to clear my head. Some of my rituals are:

  • a phoneless walk outside

  • a Kendall Toole shadowboxing workout (on the Peloton app)

  • Journaling

  • reading a security blanket book (an old favorite that just makes me feel like I’m visiting old friends)

  • therapy

1yo got COVID from another baby at daycare. How to alleviate guilt?You’re doing your very best, just like so many of us during the pandemic. Getting COVID is not a moral failing and you didn’t do anything wrong.

You’re an amazing mom and your kid is so lucky to have you.

Do you have any recs for books that are particularly good as audiobooks? I love fiction that’s narrated by a full cast or Julia Whelan or an actor I admire (I loved The Dutch House and The Midnight Library).

If you haven’t dove into ACOTAR yet, the full cast dramatizated audiobook is phenomenal and I highly, highly recommend. Olivie Blake’s The Atlas Six is also an incredible book on audio (it’s contemporary fantasy, not romance).

I’m super preggo but want to do something special for my husbands 30th. Ideas please?We did Dan White’s magic Zoom show for our anniversary and it was AMAZING! We still talk about it because it was that good.

Pair it with some Goldbelly treats or an amazing meal delivered to your home and it sounds like a great birthday!

How to best use time with mentors/how to come up with meeting agenda?No need for an agenda but I would send over a list of questions or specific topics you’d like to discuss during your time together, and always follow up to share how you incorporated their advice and what you did.

Don’t forget to also ask how you can be helpful! Mentorship is a two-way street.

Whoever asked about my favorite romance novels that they should reserve from the library- the link is below!

Here are my top romance novel recommendations if you’re new to the genre!

Have a wonderful week, my friend.

xo,HPN

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