issue #163 - the one on pauses

December 18, 2022

A quick PSA - my last speaking engagement is this Tuesday with The Riveter. I’ll be sharing how I quadrupled my Instagram community and built a content business over the past four years. It’s a virtual event and the replay and workbook will be provided afterwards if you’re unable to make it live! And if the price is out of your budget, please let me know and I’d be happy to comp you a ticket. I hope to see you there!

Imagine this - it’s the final two weeks of the year. You’ve answered every final e-mail, wrapped up every deliverable, and set your goals for the next year along with a tracking system for it. Your home is spotless, your suitcases packed, gifts thoughtfully selected and wrapped. Your holiday card is on display in the homes of your loved ones, and you are entering this final stretch feeling fulfilled, calm, and ready for this brief respite before jumping in a new year.

I imagine this a lot. I’ve never once been able to make it happen. But what’s different about this year’s reflection on this fantasy is the labeling of it as just that - a fantasy.

My Christmas tree was chaotically decorated by my sons, and has further devolved with their regular redecorations. Gifts? We’re taking them to FAO Schwarz today to pick out a single item, and I’ve implored our parents to keep the gifts at a minimum this year and focused on simple things they can play with solo. While I managed to write my packing lists for our upcoming vacation, the suitcases are snug in their corner of my closet and nothing has been pulled from our dressers or wardrobes to prep. I did manage to set aside the sunscreen from my recent Supergoop and Haldi orders, so that’s something. There’s no neat closure on any issues at work, other than this being the last newsletter of the year.

And rather than beating myself up about not achieving the fantasy, I’m finding peace in accepting where I’m at right now, appreciating everything I accomplished this year, and pressing pause with joy.

My fellow anxiety folks will empathize on the powerful need to control everything around us when our anxiety spikes. It is a relentless, intense feeling that has left me scrubbing the grout in my shower at 11:23 at night, or furiously rearranging our snack cupboard when I should be doing the many things on my to-do list, or pushing ourselves into a state of burnout that leaves us listless on the couch, staring at the television but not really watching what’s happening.

Pressing pause is easier said that done (and my work situation certainly makes it easier for me to do this - a privilege I’m well aware of and acknowledge), but I hope some of these tips will be helpful for you as you prepare your own holiday pause:

  • Journal a brain dump - everything that’s on your mind, from how you feel to random to-dos that float into your mind to anything. I like to set a 10 minute timer and do this in my Notes app (I need a deadline and I type faster than I write). I like to review the list an hour or two later, and highlight the tasks that are urgent and important and get them scheduled on my Google Calendar to tackle, whether it’s solo work or meetings I need to have to make decisions or get temporary closure on outstanding items with my team. Meetings requests always have a detailed agenda and the decisions/consensus we need to make. Anything that’s not on this list goes into a separate note that I link to in a calendar invite in the new year, to organize and prioritize.

  • Copy and paste the emotional points or feelings that come up in this journaling exercise into a new document and take a second to process them. These feelings and emotion statements have helped me create a mental filter of what I’m okay with letting go of or accepting the reality of, and what moments are important to me to do in my own way. This being our first Christmas away in 3 years means we are skipping some traditions (our stockings are very much still in the closet), doing some new ones that weren’t possible before (visiting my sons’ classes to read The Truth About Mrs. Claus and do this sticker activity and bookmark making activity with the PK and 2nd grade classes, respectively), and tweaking some traditions (I’m packing Christmas jammies for the family to wear on Christmas Eve, and have some wrapped activity books for the kids to open the next morning).

  • Schedule your joy first in each day. Those who follow me on TikTok know that watching a Christmas rom com almost daily is a tradition my father and I both enjoy (when he’s not here, we FaceTime and watch the same film from our respective couches). By scheduling this first and in great detail (I write out the tea or Lyre’s cocktail I plan to make, the snack I’ll enjoy while watching, the pajamas I plan to wear), I have something to look forward to and it helps me stay focused and finish that day’s work. This is a practice I’m going to bring in the new year, for sure.

  • When all else fails and if you have kids that are full on feral, I print out multiple copies of same coloring sheet, set out coloring materials, and we color while listening to lo-fi Christmas music. Having this emergency ritual that is calming, festive, and something everyone will do has been a lifesaver (and may have influenced this coloring book purchase for myself).

This Week’s Links

If you’d like to get these shopping links before anyone else or be alerted when items go on sale, follow me on LTK and heart the items you have your eyes on!

What I Read This Week

  • The Christmas Wish by Lindsey Kelk - time loop tropes might be even more satisfying than amnesia storylines in Christmas films and books, and Lindsey Kelk DELIVERED with this delightful book about family, finding our purpose, and the magic of the holidays. Gwen is a lawyer whose life looked perfect until just before Christmas - her dentist boyfriend dumped her, her path to partner at a tony law firm is derailed, and she heads home for Christmas feeling low and slightly pathetic - and finds herself stuck reliving Christmas day over and over again. I confess that it took me until Gwen’s third Christmas day to really get into it and for the characters’ complexity to emerge, but I was hooked from that point on. Highly, highly recommend.

  • How the Dukes Stole Christmas by Tessa Dare, Sarah MacLean, Sophie Jordan, Joanna Shupe - Regency romances set during Christmas just hit differently, and this anthology by some of my favorite romance authors was just perfect. These reads are short, but full of depth and steam and getting transported into a world I love to escape to.

What Everyone Else Read This Week

  • All This Could Be Different by Sarah Thank Mathews- My friend Natalie gave me All This Could Be Different as a birthday gift and I finished it a few weeks ago. The ending was powerful as is the book, a story of community, the struggles of immigration and capitalism, and vulnerability. The author is also the founder of Bed Stuy Strong, a mutual aid group in Brooklyn.

  • The Most Likely Club by Elyssa Friedland- This is the story of a group of friends in the 40s who re-unite for their 20th high school reunion. As they look back at their lives, they find that they haven't exactly lived up to their yearbook superlatives and wow to change things. It's a cross between And Just Like That x The Afterparty x Romy & Michelle's High School reunion. A must-read if you're feeling nostalgic for your high school friends after the holidays!

Top #5SmartReads Of The Week

The rest of the week’s reads + last week’s (and conversations!) are below:

Your Questions, Answered

How do you find/choose contributors for #5SmartReads? Many of them have slid into my DMs to offer to be contributors!

It’s a paid opportunity and I’m so incredibly grateful for this smart community of women who help me share the underreported stories or underrepresented perspectives. Hit reply on this email if you’d like to be a part of it!

What’s a fun activity to take on together as a couple?Pickleball is something we enjoy when we have someone to watch the kids!

I’m also supportive of introducing each other to the other’s interests- Sri got me into Star Trek, and I’ve taught him how to cook!

But if you have young kids, the most you can ask for is agreeing on a show, So just do that.

I missed this- what are you thought about the Harry and Meghan documentary?I shared a few of those thoughts on TikTok.

In short - I believe them.

I’ve lived in the UK and have an understanding of British racism AND that many Britons view the tabloids as factual news the way some Americans view Fox News as fact, and that they’ve doubled and triple-downed on it is abhorrent and really sad.

iPhone case recommendations- your black one looked cute and functional! Mine is from Walli Cases and my friend Liz Teich influenced me (She has a code somewhere on her account page). It’s a great case- durable, I love the loop for the fingers, and the card slot. Highly recommend!

Use the code THENEWYORKSTYLIST for 10% off!

What is your family meal routine?Breakfast: kids get Nurished chocolate smoothies, SmartyPants vitamins (use code hithapalepu15 for 15% off!), and maybe a waffle if they’re still hungry. They have snack time at school fairly early, so I focus on what I can actually get them to consume. I drink my AG1, and will have a cup of Greek yogurt with Beeya seeds and some berries if I’m hungry.

Lunch: Kids get school lunch during the week, and we’ll either do sweetgreen or I’ll zhush up a Splendid Spoon bowl for us to have. On weekends, we usually have lunch out or order in both days.

Dinner: Our nanny makes the kids dinner and I’ll have a soup or salad to each with them before she teaks them up for a bath and I’ll prepare something for Sri and I. On weekends, we do family dinners and I’ll make whatever folks want to eat (lots of eat Banza pizzas and pasta bakes, mac & cheese with cottage cheese added, homemade takes on Taco Bell favorites)

Dress for me for special person dance with my 6 year oldI’ve owned this dress for years now, and it’s one I reach for often!

While it is a bit of an investments (it’s $248), it’s incredibly well made and you’ll be able to wear it for decades, The site currently has a great promotion where you can get 20% off.

Renting is also a great option and there are some beautiful sequin dresses available on Armoire! My link gets you 50% off your first month and 2 bonus items!

What studies has AG done to back up all the health claims?Supplements do not have to undergo clinical testing the way that pharmaceutical products do, but that athletic greens sourced raw materials and manufactures their product with the standards I expect from Pharma companies is something I really value.

Here’s the thing about health- what you do every day is what will benefit or hurt your health. I admittedly don’t have as great of a diet as I should, but drinking my AG1 every brining helps fill the nutrient gaps left behind by my diet. The ritual of mixing and drinking it every morning also sets my day on a better nutritional foot, and I’ve made a lot of progress on prioritizing more nutritious meals every day since taking it- it’s really become a linchpin habit for good health for me.

What i’ve experienced personally by drinking AG1 daily for a year now- better digestion, an increase in sustained energy through the day, and I bounce back from colds or viruses faster now that I did before. I credit better health habits all around for these, but AG1 was the habit that helped catalyze these habits.

First modern romance novel I should recommend my husband read?Lyssa Kay Adam’s Bromance Book Club series is an absolute delight! I thin it would be a perfect first romance for anyone, but husband in particular!

What is the gift you’re most excited to give this year?It’s more an experience but I hired Flytographer to take family pictures with my parents and in-laws while we’re on vacation and I’m excited to print and frame some images for our parents.

Top 5 IG accounts to follow?Here are my favorite on this platform:

Carmen James’ recommendations are spot on, and I love her thoughtful analysis on things both serious and frivolous. She’s a gem.

Aasheekaa is a bright light who teaches and documents how to live with joy and intention but also in service of your biggest dreams

Emily for the best political analysis that is smart, succinct, and is well-thought outxt

Ashley Spivey for the blend of books and politics and because she’s the best

Lily Herman who shared incredible articles on culture and for being the reason I’m obsessed with F1 and openly talking about romance novel

That’s it for us at team 5SR for 2022! Have a safe and restful holiday, press pause on everything that can wait, and we’ll see you in the new year!

xo,HPN

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