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issue #174 - the one back on the go (and reliving the past)

March 19, 2023

A little over 10 years ago, I unknowingly hit publish on the blog post that would change my life. And then I boarded a flight to Asia.

When I landed, the post had been shared on Pinterest nearly a million times. My blog received more traffic that day than it had in its entire existence - three times over. 

It was the first post I wrote where I wasn’t trying to emulate what I saw my peers doing - outfit posts that now make me cringe a bit, recipe adaptations that I rarely cooked again, overdecorating my 400 square foot studio. The 10 essentials I shared were the tried-and-true items that kept me comfortable and confident during my near-weekly business trips.

That post helped me heed the advice Aliza Licht (then known as @dknyprgirl) had shared a few months earlier at a blogger conference - “people want to be entertained, educated, or inspired - focus on delivering on the one you can do best” - and tripled down on creating helpful content focused on how most people traveled - a few business trips and a vacation or two a year, from my own expertise as a road warrior.

And even though Hitha On The Go is now just an archive of that life, some things remain the same. I’m still following Aliza Licht’s advice on personal brand (you will want to pre-order On Brand, her forthcoming book!), and focus on educating and helping folks with my content.

And during these past two weeks, I returned to my road warrior ways with trips to Austin and Columbia, SC, where I was comforted by some things that remain the same.

I still fall asleep during take-off (only when I’m traveling solo). My best writing inspiration comes when I’m tens of thousands of feet in the air. I still snap pictures of clouds and aerial views of the cities I land in, and obsessively track my miles and premier status. And I still think ginger ale tastes so much better on a flight.

There’s a sense of familiarity and comfort that I found in these past two weeks - a “I still got it!” feeling balanced with a grounded sense of self earned over the past decade.

It’s a strange and familiar feeling.

My old self would’ve maximized my time in each of these cities, extending the trip to see friends and explore and do as much as possible. My current self is savoring the little moments I missed in the past - the way ginger tastes sharper in my in-flight drink, watching the clouds float by in the sky, the blissful feeling of snuggling into a perfectly made hotel bed. And I know that these little moments are good, but nothing beats hugging my kids and hearing them say “Mommy, I missed you so much!”.

To end this full circle moment, here’s my updated 10 essentials when I travel (quick business trips are my norm these days):

  • Apple device multi-charger - this single charger takes care of your phone, AirPods, and Apple Watch and barely takes up any room when folded. This is one of my favorite things in the world (not just for travel), and it’s worth buying multiple ones (for home, for travel, and for gifting to ‘hard to shop for’ loved ones).

  • Clothing steamer - the travel steamers have gotten smaller and more efficient since I first featured them on my old blog, and this little one is my favorite. It heats up quickly, doesn’t drip, and I also use it to gently steam my face after a long flight (and cleansing first!).

  • Dagne Dover tech case - having a chargers go back cuts down on my packing and unpacking time, and I keep a little index card with the items I always keep in it (laptop, Apple multi-charger, a pair of wired headphones, dongle for iPhone) to make sure I never forget anything while repacking.

  • Kindle Paperwhite - some things never change, and one of those things is my love for my Kindle. Skip the fancier models and opt for the Paperwhite - the battery life is superb, it holds more books than even I can possibly read in this lifetime (though I will try), and it fits in my bag. The only change I’ve made is sticking a Popsocket to the back of mine, for more comfortable reading.

  • Portable USB charger - I have to credit Kelly for this particular recommendation, which is the greatest portable charger of all time. No additional cords needed, charges nearly every device, and small enough to fit in a wallet-on-chain if need be.

  • Naghedi crossbody bag - this is a Mary Poppins bag (and if you need convincing, watch this Reel). Naghedi’s bags are as beautiful as they are functional, and I don’t travel without one (and usually two). The St. Barth’s mini and Laguna in cashmere will pair beautifully with any outfit and fit everything you need with room to spare. Along with my Kindle, they’ve become a bit of a travel security blanket for me - I feel better when I have them.

  • iCloth wipes - I use these little wipes for everything - to clean my devices, to wipe down my suitcase and seat and door handles/remote in the hotel room, or to blot out a spill on aforementioned Naghedi bag (usually the coffee or matcha I didn’t really need but really wanted).

  • Barriere Bodyguard lotion - moisturizes and sanitizes and is formulated for sensitive skin. What more could a girl ask for?

  • White & Warren travel wrap - when I’m traveling to a warmer climate from colder New York and don’t want to deal with a coat, this wrap has never failed to keep me warm when entering or leaving the airport and hopping in my car. It’s also keeps me warm (without triggering my hot flashes) during flights and looks chic for an evening look.

  • Laneige lip mask - if this list has anything in common, it’s maximizing a single item. This is the best lip balm ever, and I’ve also used it as a cuticle cream, to smooth my eyebrows or flyaway hairs, and as a highlighter.

What I Read This Week

  • Real Self-Care by Pooja Lakshmin - this book will change your life. It deconstructs what we’ve been taught was “self-care” and helps you build a system of self-efficacy that establishes and protects your boundaries, your energy, and reject the nonsense fed to us by effective marketers. Pooja’s own story is incredibly powerful and raw, and you will learn so much from this brilliant book. First week sales are critical for a book’s success (this came out on Tuesday!), so if you haven’t picked up a copy yet, PLEASE DO. And if it’s not available at your library or out of budget, just hit reply and I’d be happy to get you a copy.

  • Tastes Like Shakkar by Nisha Sharma (out August 1) - Nisha is a top 3 favorite romance author of mine, and every book is better than the one before it (if that’s even possible). I’ve been pestering Nisha about this book (the sequel to Dating Dr. Dil, one of my comfort re-reads) and IT DID NOT DISAPPOINT. I laughed so hard that I woke up my husband, I teared up at the end, and now I’ll be pestering Nisha for the final book in the trilogy.

  • The Love Plot by Samantha Young (out August 29) - Samantha’s stand alone books are equally familiar (this one is a grumpy-sunshine fake dating romance) with a lot of depth and heart, and I was captivated by The Love Plot from the first page. This book also made me stay up way too late to finish it, and while I have no regrets, I’ll be selecting a put-downable book next for the sake of my health.

  • Paris by Paris Hilton (content warnings - sexual assault, abuse) - I am a sucker for a celebrity memoir. And Paris’ did not disappoint (not quite Jessica Simpson level), and kept me captivated while traveling last week. It’s not an easy book to read, but it’s just as much a study of celebrity and our culture’s obsession with building them up and tearing them down as it is a story about Paris. Highly recommend the audiobook.

What Everyone Else Read This Week

Madison

  • Not Your Ex’s Hexes by April Asher - Supernatural avengers? Check. Witches? Check. Demons? Check. 🌶️🌶️🌶️ check check check. This is book 2 in a series, but you don’t need to read book 1 to follow this one. Rose Maxwell is a witch who gets sentenced to community service at an animal sanctuary, run by half-demon veterinarian Damian Adams. Turns out Damian and Rose know each other - they had a one-night stand in the past! This book is so much fun if you’re looking for a sexy, light read to take your mind off real life. The world-building is excellent - it takes place in modern-day New York City and is as if the Avengers were real.

  • Pendragon Complete Collection by D.J. Machale- Sometimes, my brain needs a reading reset. Most recently, I turned to D.J. Machale’s Pendragon series for just that: a fantastical young adult world with roots in our own, where friendships and adventure overlap on every page. I will warn you, though, that picking up the first book in this series almost guarantees a days-long binge-reading session because the combination of characterization and world building is seriously intoxicating.

Maura

  • All The Rage: Mothers, Fathers, and the Myth of Equal Partnerships by Darcy Lockman- Despite the rise in feminist activism and research showing the benefits of involved fathers, the disproportionate amount of parental work continues to fall on women. This book investigates the cause of this pervasive inequity to answer why, in households where both parents work full-time and agree that tasks should be equally shared, mothers' household management, mental labor, and childcare contributions still outweigh fathers'.

Top #5SmartReads Of The Week

The rest of the week’s reads (and conversations!) are below:

Your Questions, Answered

If you could have a meal with any historical figure who would it be and what would you eat?Benjamin Franklin, and we’d have cheesesteaks and beer and talk about everything from inventions, Philadelphia, reproductive health rights (he had a recipe for medication abortion in his almanac!), and I know he has all the gossip on the founding fathers that I am dying to know.

How do you manage to read as much as you do? Apps or techniques you use, please? Thank you!I think reading what brings you joy and makes you happy or inspired or feels the way you want to feel is the first step! It’s why I choose a lot of romance, fantasy, and inspiring nonfiction from folks I consider mentors from afar. 

Also consider which format you enjoy most! I love them all (ebook, audiobook, physical) but ebook and audio is what makes it easiest for me to read right now. 

Deleting social media from my phone for most of the week helped me form a new default habit of opening my Amazon Kindle or Libro.fm apps instead of opening a social media app and scrolling endlessly (use code hitha to get 2 bonus books when you start a Libro.fm membership!). 

For me, reading is one of my greatest pleasures and I’m happy to get it in however I can during the day. But reading before bed - even if it’s just a few pages - is an essential part of my evening routine now. Can't you look at your own routines and see what you can include it in?

I also credit extemporaneous speaking in high school and my history studies in college for my reading speed, and I’m not exactly reading heavy literature. 

Any rhyme or reason to what books you read in ebook vs audio?I love advice books and memoirs that are narrated by the author, or a full cast audiobook (Graphic Audio’s productions of ACOTAR and Innkeeper are amazing). I’m also loyal to certain narrators like Julia Whelan and will opt for audio over other formats if she’s narrated it. 

If I know a book will become a re-read, I’ll often buy it in the other format as well.

Do you travel with car seats? If we’re renting a car or the airport transfer service doesn’t have car seats, we bring our own. 

In this chapter of our lives, we are all-inclusive-with-kids-clubs kind of people and I am very much okay with that.

I manage 2 men who are 10+ years older than me. It’s a struggle. (Disrespectful) Advice?This is both a familiar and a still uncomfortable experience that I’ve dealt with in my career, and I know I'm not alone (and will post this to feed soon to get your thoughts and suggestions here). 

If you’re new to this role and being this gentleman’s manager, this article has some excellent tips on how to establish a relationship with them from the get go.

I might be overanalyzing, but I get the impression that this has been going on for a while, and a different approach is needed. 

First, I would begin documenting disrespectful moments on your end and where it’s happening- in 1:1 meetings, group meetings, rude written communication. Also document your efforts to overcome said behavior and flag any follow up emails or Slack messages to include them in this file. Use your sent emails and begin preparing this from past experiences as well. 

When you have a comprehensive record over a period of time (I recommend a quarter at a minimum), I would set up some time with our line manager to discuss this situation and what you have done to try and overcome it on your end. I would also present evidence of the successful relationship you have other direct reports. Close with “I would appreciate your guidance on how to overcome the situation, as it is impacting the performance of the team and my ability to lead the team and company to the best of my ability.”

Ask your manager to participate in a meeting or two or observe this behavior for themselves and to see how your efforts to respond to this disrespect. 

This should be a basis to put a performance improvement plan in place for these direct reports- how they choose to respond is up to them, but it signals that this behavior won't be tolerated and you’ve done your diligence to show the impact of their behavior on the team’s performance. 

I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and the space to grow, but not at the expense of the rest of the team or my overall well-being. And while this advice is not quick, it is a professional, data-based one that will make a stronger impact

Keep calm and always carry on, my friend (and if you haven’t picked up a copy of How to Pack, may I ask that you do? It also makes for a great gift!).

xo,HPN

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