issue #177 - the one for my future self

April 16, 2023

I spent the past three weeks completely focused on the present.

“Breathe here and be here” is a phrase my friend Neeti often shares in the yoga classes she leads (I start most mornings with this specific practice), and they nicely summarize my mindset during these weeks.

I savored every second we spent at the White House Easter Egg Roll and every twist and turn of the rides we did at Disney World. Playing a new Broadway soundtrack during dinner and bathtime gave our evenings a celebratory spirit. I woke up a bit earlier to make all of us eggs or protein pancakes for breakfast, which had us all starting the day in a far better mood. Stitching a section of my new needlepoint project while watching Vanderpump Rules helped me disconnect during the evening. And when I think about these memories - the big and the small - I was breathing and being in each of these moments.

I would’ve happily stayed in the present had it not been for a few big things that happened that has everything to do with our future, and it had me in my feelings. Excitement of a long-held dream finally coming true, fear about an upcoming surgery, and a work lull that has me questioning everything about the hyphens that make up my career.

All that peace I had found in living in the present was replaced by overwhelm and confusion about the future. For most of my life, my goals were clear and I was able to pivot my plans as needed with a confidence that things would work out. And while I still feel this certainty about my short term goals, I couldn’t tell you what’s next for me - what book I’ll write next, what therapeutic area we’ll focus our drug development efforts in, what’s next in my content business.

I still don’t have the answers to any of these questions. But a tweet I stumbled across this week helped me pull myself from my future self spiraling, and reframed it to care for my future self.

Caring for my future self certainly includes the “shoulds” we all have on our list - eat nutritiously and drink water and sleep and exercise, connect with loved ones, prioritize our creative time, practice gratitude and mindfulness. But it brought me right back to where I started 3 weeks ago - breathing here and being here, in this exact moment, because I’ll never get it back.

I can’t control what’s going to happen in the future. I can only hope that things work out for the best and trust that things will unfold the way they’re meant to (and accept that it won’t be exactly how I envision). But what I can do are the little things - care for myself and my loved ones, practice gratitude for the immense privilege and blessings I’m lucky to have, and to catch myself before I spiral about the future and do something - anything - besides ponder the “what ifs?”

Breathe here. Be here. And when all else fails, do a quick meditation (code hitha for a free 6 week trial) or watch a few minutes of Vanderpump.

What We Read This Week

  • Resonance Surge by Nalini Singh (out July 25) - I talk about this series constantly because it’s one of the best contemporary fantasy romances I’ve read - and I’ve read a lot of them! The latest installment in Singh’s Psy-Changeling Trinity series is one of the strongest and brings us back to Moscow and the city’s bear clan, which is where the series starts. Singh brings the steam throughout the book, but the way this series is slowly emerging is near perfection (near because I need to know what’s happening with Scarab Syndome - especially with how this book ends!). Please, please, please pick up this series. It’s one of the best.

  • Unscripted by James B Stewart and Rachel Abrams - I have yet to get on the Succession wagon, mostly because the reality of media tycoon families is even more fascinating than fiction. This book details the Redstone family and employees’ drama in the control of National Amusements (which is the controlling shareholder of both Viacom and CBS), and it reads like a salacious novel while being phenomenally investigated and reported. It’s so good.

  • Breaking Through by Sally Susman - there aren’t a ton of women in senior roles in the biopharmaceutical industry, especially ones who have backgrounds in both public service and other industries. Susman - the chief corporate affairs officer at Pfizer - is one of these rare women, and her book is such a treasure trove of wisdom on communications, leadership, and living your truth. This is a multi-format book for me (I mostly listened to it, but picked up a physical copy to highlight and mark up for future reference).

  • Hello Stranger by Katherine Center - This is the story of a struggling artist who has has just been invited to participate in a prestigious portrait competition. However, due to a freak accident, she has to have brain surgery before the competition and suffers with the complication of face blindness. In the meantime, she’s also juggling her obnoxious neighbor and trying not to fall hopelessly in love with her vet. So funny and heartwarming and even though it is closed door, it has probably THE sexiest makeout session I’ve ever read. Don’t be surprised to see this in my best books of 2023. Hello Stranger is out July 11th, and is 100% worth the pre-order!

  • Push Off from Here: Nine Essential Truths to Get You Through Sobriety (and Everything Else) by Laura McKowen - I was thrilled to get an advance copy of Laura's book, and wow, I cannot say enough about Push Off From Here. Though it's written as a way to begin a sober journey, the messages and foundational building blocks in the book could easily be used to embark on any mental health journey in life. Laura weaves her gorgeous storytelling in with her wise words of wisdom, and it's quite the powerful, loving, compassionate, and inspiring book. I'm excited to chat with Laura on A Fresh Story soon and hear a little behind the scenes of the author's journey!

Top #5SmartReads Of The Week

The rest of the week’s reads are below:

Your Questions, Answered

Any Sources like your Smart Reads for HS students?I started reading the newspaper in high school (a necessary habit if you competed in extemperaneous speaking on the speech team). I would ask your teen what kind of news they’d like to be more engaged with (climate change, gun safety reform, healthcare) and seek out newsletters and publications that fit.

Teen Vogue is the best place to start- their content is STELLAR and so smart. I would also subscribe to Axios for quick summaries of what’s happening in the world.

For younger kids (8-14), we really like The Week Junior Magazine. 

What is the one new summer wardrobe item you’re more excited to wear this year?I invested in this Sarah Bray x BURU set, and can’t wait to wear it in Arizona and Santa Barbara this spring. It’s both timeless and unique, and BURU’s manufacturing practices are stellar (this set is made in their micro-factory in LA, and they pay dignified wages and benefits to their employees).

Best quick relief for sore throat?Chloraseptic’s lozenges have an immediate numbing relief. It’s probably in my head, but I think the orange flavor work better than the cherry ones.

This is going to sound strange but Hershey’s Kisses SAVED me when I had COVID and it felt like I was swallowing glass. One of my Instagram followers recommended them, and now it’s my go to whenever I have a sore throat!

Best Place to get maternity Indian Clothes? Palak wrote a detailed blog post about ordering Indian clothes online, along with sizing for maternity as well!

I’ve had nothing but the best experience shopping from Kynah (their kaftans are maternity friendly and can be worn long after!) and holiCHIC (DM them for questions and getting them your measurements)

What do you wear to a jewelry trade show as a newcomer who’s there for research? I texted Alanna Bess (a dear friend and longtime jewelry designer) this question and here’s her answer: ”I would say something bold and something people will want to comment on if you want to be able to engage with people. Or if you are there doing research and want to be more under the radar, I would say something low key and simple.”

For bold pieces - I would rent Farm Rio through Armoire - their clothes are gorgeous and comfortable! Code hithapalepu gets you 2 bonus items and 50% off your first month.

For either outfit, I’d wear comfortable shoes! These Reebok sneakers are amazing (Ashley Spivey influenced me to buy them, and she was completely correct).

What’s a genre you haven’t read yet but are interested in?I’ve been slow to get into space opera but the books that I have read (Sangu Mandanna’s Celestial trilogy, Amanda Bouchert’s Nightchaser) are amazing.I’ve also been slow to get into mysteries but I am really enjoying Louise Penny and have some cozy mysteries that publishers have sent to me that I want to dig into!

Recommendations from my DMs:

  • Love love love The Vorkosigan Saga! The audiobooks are great. Start with Shards of Honor (first two books are about the rest of the series protagonist’s parents, but definitely not a prequel. Plus Cordelia is amazing)

  • I like Elly Griffith’s Dr. Ruth Galloway series for cozy mystery vibes! Lots of history/archaeology woven in too. I initially got that recommendation from Jasmine Guillory 

Read Six of Crows or Shadow and Bone first?I haven’t read either, but Ben Bares on the Netflix adaptation of Shadow and Bone is very attractive so maybe that?

If you’ve read either or both, log your vote in this poll!

How to not feel hurt if group of friends in real life exclude you from travels/milestone events?I would feel very hurt! And I personally would be re-evaluating my relationship with this group.

Is there someone in the group (either the host or whoever you’re closest with) you can have a 1:1 conversation with- in person= and have a heat to heart?

I am so sorry that you’re facing this.

From my DMs:I am going through this now with my cousins and have fund the following very helpful in processing hurt feelings:

  1. Go where you are celebrated, not tolerated.

  2. Evaluate whether the relationship with the group is good for you. Are they nice to you? Do they gossip behind your back?

  3. Do you dim your light to fit in with them?

It takes some time to process all the hurt and complicated feelings, but I know that the vibe of my cousins group is not for me. Every time I have contact with someone in that group, they prove me right, they are not my people, they don’t for me, they don’t like me and they are never happy for me. It’s a hard lesson to learn, but worth learning! Sending peace!”

Currently stay at home mom pausing career, VERY unfulfilled with sahm phase but nervous about confronting personal career/needs in the next 6 months (2, 3 and .5 year old) want it all but don’t need it. Mother Untitled has the platform for you - one of the most thoughtful IG accounts, beautiful essays that give this experience the respect and dignity it deserves but doesn’t get, and resources for fractional work and guides to help you in your pause and to transition back to work when you’re ready.

I loved this essay in particular- I hope it speaks to you the way it did to me!

Here’s to breathing here, being here, and pausing to soak in this exact moment.

xo,HPN

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