issue #90 - the one where we enjoy it

LaToya Lewis on savoring the moment

February 14, 2021

This week one of my best friends left me a voice note iMessage asking, if i remember a time we decided to go to lunch and ended up at a drag brunch in a high rise hotel overlooking the Hudson River that no longer existed? It was cheap, the drinks were strong and we had the time of our lives. Of course I do, i texted back. I was going to ask her, “what made you think of that?” but i already knew. She was remembering a time when we felt completely free, happy, & like anything could happen. The exact opposite of the time we are in.

But here’s the thing. That time? It didn’t feel like that. It felt stressful, unfocused, like we were waiting for our “real lives” to begin, not realizing we should have been enjoying the time we had, the space we were in. This was at least 10 years ago. Saying so much has changed is an understatement. There’s a pandemic, people are dying, the fate of the country seems bleak at best. But it doesn’t change the fact that the time we are in, is the time we should be enjoying. Not looking forward or back. But the here and now. Here’s a snippet of the voice note I sent to her and I think we all could use it. I know I could:

“you are on the right path. remember we used to be so stressed about x,y, & z and now we see that stuff didn’t really matter. this is what matters. your life, your relationships. if we could go back we would tell ourselves: stop stressing. enjoy this time because you won’t get it back! have more fun! have the cocktail, order dessert, go see the thing and do the boy! So our future selves would probably tell us the same thing now. you don’t get time back. enjoy your life. every minute, every ounce, stress over the stuff that matters and fix what you can but don’t give a second thought or worry to the stuff that doesn’t. you don’t get this time back. enjoy it.”

Hope everyone takes a moment this week to call up a friend. Hug someone you love. Run a bath for yourself. Eat something you’re craving. Don’t let just let this time go by. Enjoy it.

Sincerely,

What we read this week

  • The Meaning of Mariah Carey  by Mariah Carey - I’m currently reading The Meaning of Mariah Carey & I love it. Mariah is an icon and I love reading the memoirs of iconic women. (Cicely Tyson’s Just As I Am” is up next! https://amzn.to/374TyBl ) Knowing how much she overcame to feel comfortable in her own skin, and make a life she’s proud of, is a story that’s especially comforting now.

  • Dare to Bloom: Trusting God Through Painful Endings and New Beginnings by Zim Flores - I thought twice about recommending this book because of God in the title. It is not a super religious book. It’s a book about trusting your next steps to a higher power & I read a little of it before going to bed nightly. If you want something more agnostic, then read The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down - It’s less of a cohesive story, and more mini quotes & messages but it has the same “releasing to the universe” message.

  • For some fun, I read The Boyfriend Project by Farah Rochon -A fun romance novel with POC lead characters. It was a quick, fun, fresh read that was pure mind candy.

  • Leave The World Behind by Rumaan Alam - I read this in a weekend and loved it. A white family from Brooklyn stays in a Long Island AirBnB and is surprised by a knock on the door. It's an older Black couple, the owners of the house, who came to escape a blackout unfolding in the city. The author is so clever and it really makes you think about how you crisis and what really keeps us safe.

  • Hidden Sins by Selena Montgomery (Stacey Abrams) - You probably know Stacey Abrams as a Georgia gubernatorial candidate and powerhouse activist for voter suppression. But you might not know that Abrams is also an accomplished romance novelist, having published several books under the name Selena Montgomery. Hidden Sins doesn't disappoint—and tells the story of a girl-in-trouble and the dashing doctor who comes to her rescue. Super well-written with a great balance of eroticism—highly recommend!

  • A Curse So Dark and Lonely by Brigid Kemmerer - This is book 1 in a highly addictive series. Book 3 comes out in January 2021, so if you’re someone who likes to binge a whole series in a row, this is an excellent time to do it. Prince Rhen is the cursed heir to Emberfall. He must find a woman to fall in love with him to break the curse. Harper is a teenager with cerebral palsy in D.C. One night, she is accidentally sucked into the alternate universe of Emberfell by Rhen’s Guard Commander, Grey. Book 1 in the series is a modern re-telling of Beauty and the Beast (with a twist) - prepare to fall into a very engaging world.

  • And Now We Have Everything: On Motherhood Before I Was Ready by Meaghan O’Connell - I want every young woman who is a mom, or who is thinking about ever becoming a mom, to read this memoir about postpartum depression and the journey to embracing the new identity of "mom." I wish I had read it when I was a brand-new mother to my fledgling infant daughter and struggling with PPA and PPD - I felt so strange and so abnormal, and yet the experiences O'Connell writes about are so similar to my own that there were parts of the book that I honestly could have written myself. PPD and PPA are so, so common and, while we are beginning to do a better job of letting women know to expect them as a possibility, we still don't do enough to show each other what to really expect if you happen to find yourself in the trenches. This book does that heartbreakingly, tenderly, and at times hilariously beautifully - I highly, highly recommend.

The Top 5

The Catch Up

Monday

Tuesday (Abigail)

Wednesday (Julia)

Thursday (Shibani)

Friday (Marisa)

Things we love this week

LaToya

  • SkinStore & Sunday Riley Limited Edition Bag- I have been raving about this kit on my instastories so much, I was scared it was going to sell out. It’s $99 but 2 of the 5 products are sold in a set for $80! To say it’s a deal, is an understatement. Luna Oil & Good Genes are must haves along with the game changing eye cream Autocorrect. This kit is a must have for anyone who wants the kind of skin that makes people say you have “good genes”

  • It has snowed 568 times in NYC over the past month. 1 week before into our first snow storm I realized so didn’t have snow boots and no one was going to beat Amazon’s delivery speed. I ordered these and have been thrilled with them. Fleece lining, water proof, slip proof, under $40. They run small so order 1 size up! (I also bought this super cheap 3 pack of gloves and have no complaints!)

  • I, like everyone else, am obsessed with comfortable loungewear, however I work outside the home. I need to look polished & stylish at work, but I want to be as comfy as possible. This knit set (top sold separate from the pants) is chic, looks way more expensive than it is, and affordable. I picked it up in the white and loved it so much I ordered the tan as well.

Abigail

  • My friends and I did a candle gift exchange (like a Secret Santa but we all had to buy candles). I got my Fleetwood Mac loving pal a Stevie Nicks candle from Bijou, a Latinx owned brand, and might need one for myself!

Julia

  • Matches by Memory - If you're like me, you probably have a bowl of matchbooks from your favorite restaurants / hotels sitting on your coffee table. Matches by Memory transforms your matchbook collection into a gorgeous print you can display in your home—and helps you reminisce about your favorite spots. They do custom commissions, but they also have a ton of great ready-made options on their site (I bought my mom the Montauk print for Christmas!)

Shibani

  • Summer 2020 stands out for me because I successfully grew a cut flower garden, which I harvested weekly (sometimes more than once weekly), and made lots of bouquets. I’m a very amateur floral arranger, and one of the things I struggled with was getting my flowers to stand up the way I wanted without floral foam or wire. I highly recommend the Flora Guppy - it's resuable, fits in nearly any vase (except for a bud vase), and will help you create amazing arrangements even if you’re a complete beginner.

Marisa

  • I freaking love these acne dots - you can actually see them working which sounds kind of gross but is actually pretty incredible.

Take care of yourself, and please share #5SmartReads if you’re enjoying them!

Reply

or to participate.